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“Every step in the dark turns out, in the end, to have been on course after all.”

John Tarrant

These are the words I first read as I started into one of my Christmas presents, The Gift of An Ordinary Day by Katrina Kenison.

I am in limbo, or atleast it feels like it as the last push and glitter of the holidays is swept aside and what we call this new year is shoving in, whether it’s invited or not.   I’d like put on hold this new beginning until-until the air warms up and the sun brings the evenings back again, until I have a clear inspiration and vision for the second half of our school year, until I’ve had several days to lay under the covers blissfully lost in a book, until I’ve figured out how to savor and be productive at the same time.

I’m in the middle.  Last year we had a really great beginning, Baby Sparkles.  We also had a loss that I’m still losing every day of every week, my beautiful Granny left us this last year.  We kissed goodbye the first half of Mookie’s life with us at home.  I can click through pictures of Drummer boy over the past year and see his round baby cheeks disappearing a little more in each frame. Jellybean pounced on her fear and said hello to confidence. In the big picture, there are only a handful of really great beginnings and endings and the rest is the in between.

I’m trying to figure out how to jump start my middle.

Until then, I’m making brownies and hoping for a snow day, party pants included.